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The Wellness Method

The difference two years makes…

March 8, 2021

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Journal entry – March 4, 2019:

“I keep asking but I’ll keep asking until I know the answer….WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED? We got married just to drift so far apart. I want my baby back. WHAT HAPPENED. I literally feel like I’m going crazy all the while holding the broken pieces of our life together with my own two hands and no outside support. I don’t know what to do anymore. I don’t know how to make him happy, laugh, smile. I don’t know who he is. I HATE saying that. I need my best friend back.”

This is what I was going through behind the scenes, all with a smile on my face and still with hope in my heart. ⁣I just wanted things to be okay. 

I had no idea how much further I had to go but this was my first breaking point. It took many more breaking points after that because I loved him SO much and although I didn’t realize it at the time, I was trying to ‘fix’ him. ⁣

And, well…trying to fix someone is the SAME thing as trying to change them – it’ll only end up creating your own turmoil. It’s up to them to make a decision to change and unless they truly want to change, they won’t. I just wanted it to work so badly because I cared deeply and it terrified me to see this vision of my life & this 11-year relationship fading. ⁣

I was keeping myself stuck because it was comfortable and I didn’t know what life would look like otherwise. I had a mentality of “other people have it worse, what do I have to complain about…” But the truth is, that chapter of my life was ready to close; we had reached our end point and I had to grow to accept that & let go. ⁣

There is no animosity, regret or anger in my heart. Actually, quite the opposite. I look at my life two years ago and it feels like I am simply remembering a story; I no longer connect with those feelings. At the time, it felt like my entire world was crumbling but I continued to carry on, stay positive and lead with love. Even though it felt like I’d never get through those darkest days, I somehow had this gut feeling that it would all work out.⁣

I have nothing but love, compassion and empathy for the girl I was two years ago. That girl that realized it was the beginning of the end. And two years later, here I am telling my story in the hopes that I can help you through whatever it is you’re mourning right now. ⁣

One day, you’ll look back at the person you are today and you’ll feel nothing but love. Because you will be stronger for going through this; you will be more resilient and wise. It feels like hell now, I know…I do. But what you’re going through now is part of your journey & although it’s difficult now, it is going to play a role in the YOU that comes out the other side. Sometimes things don’t work out the way we envisioned, and most of the time that’s for the best. 

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